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All the News That's Fit To Print and Then Some

Mrs. Bob Sater Wows Editor

Herman, Minn. (AP) Mrs. Bob Sater today wowed the Stevens County commissioners with a riveting presentation of how the Minnesota Counties Insurance Trust (MCIT) works to save lives, save money, save time, save face, save gas, save jobs, save whales, saves manatees, and saves the environment all because of the dedication of the great guys and gals who work there. Mrs. Sater, dressed smartly in a pink tank top and a striped pair of pants interrupted her presentation only once, to give a brief wink to Herman Weekly World reporter Nick Ripperger as she explained the intricacies of risk management. Ripperger took that as a sign that he should wear a condom the next
time he has sex, if that ever happens again.

Mrs. Sater ended her presentation by saying, "That's the end of my presentation." The commissioners agreed that that was a fine ending to a fine presentation, and told her, "That was a fine ending to a fine
presentation." Mrs. Sater then winked at Commissioner Paul Watzke. How Mr. Watzke interpreted that wink is a matter of speculation. He later admitted that he didn't have a clue as to who Bob Sater was, but said he remembered "Hops" and Galegher as old hockey buddies. He also remembered Wayne Adriaens as the guy who always shot every time he got the ball in broomball, basketball, golf, and intramural football. See 'He Shoots, He Scores' in sports.

Ripperger, who was exhausted after the presentation, was unable to cover the rest of the commissioners' meeting, and missed the declaration of war on neighboring Swift County. More on that in next week's issue of The Herman Weekly World.





Stepping into a hole leads Vern Mortenson to discover an old cistern

Herman Minn (AP) Vern Mortenson of Herman discovered an old cistern on his property in an unconventional way.

    Vern returned home after having been uptown and parked his golf cart next to his garage Saturday morning, April 14. He took a few steps toward the house when one foot broke through the ground. His left leg hung in the hole nearly up to his hip, while the right leg remained on top of the ground. Vern is about six feet tall.

    Vern was in this precarious position about four feet from his garage.  
Luckily, the sliding garage door was open far enough for him to be able to reach the door and use it for leverage to pull himself away from the hole.

    Taking a careful look, light revealed a large brick-lined cistern containing water. Vern shudders to think what might have happened if he had fallen through with his whole body. Using a six-foot pipe, he tried to touch the bottom of the cistern, but couldn’t. He estimated the cistern to be six feet wide and about 10 feet deep. When the cistern was abandoned, it was covered with several boards and dirt. The boards eventually rotted enough to make them weak and the soil eroded away. The boards are visible on the edge of the neck of the container.

    The hole is directly under the path Vern has taken to drive his vehicles into his garage as well as his golfcart over the years.

    The home nearby where Vern and his wife, Ruby, reside, was built around 1900 and originally owned by Ernest Peck, who was an officer at a Herman bank.

    Vern wants people to be aware that if an area is sinking in your yard, you could have a large container under there, or even an old well. Vern says that there have been other discoveries of old cisterns or septic tanks in Herman made while digging near homes.

    Vern says he was told there was perhaps a septic tank or an old well in his yard somewhere, but not where he discovered this.

    Tom Severance of Wagner Company, Inc., brought his backhoe tractor to the Mortenson home Monday afternoon. Tom planned to rip the top off and fill in with sand to make ous position about four feet from his garage.
area safe again. Tom said he has filled in quite a few like these over the years.